There´s really no real reason for me update this journal since I doubt no one reads it, but I just felt like writing.

I´ve thought about how some people can still go on and live happily even they know there´s something they´ll never have in them, that might make them lose smth still dear to them. I know it has smth to do with "be who you are, cause you can´t love anyone unless you can´t love yourself" Im just afraid that cause of what I lack inside might cause me a lost in the future in many ways and it can´t be helped.

My father´s old, 80yrs already, and yesterday my mom dropped a bomb asking me if I´ve ever imagined myself being orphaned? She also mentioned my father talking about how it can´t be known when he´s going to die and if soon, and had talked about his testament with my mom.. Lately he´s been more quiet than usual, and Im afraid it´s my fault. I haven´t become what he and mom hoped.. What I thought myself many years ago I´d become.. I hate it Im not as strong as they are and won´t ever be.